December 27

THE NASTY PARTY
Since Wallywoods presents something or other at Arcanoa on the last Tuesday of each month, that bar of repute and dispute has not suffered much from overcrowding on the last Tuesday of each month. This despite a variety of acts from continents across the world, who, if they have anything at all in common, share the locally notorious Wallywoods energy, passion for chaos, and cleverly disguised disregard for what the public in general or annoying individuals think. Previously these dates have been amateur film nights, sparcely populated by local Arcanoa supporters who don't mind watching all kinds of crap or the same dodgy episodes month in month out. An audience ripe for grooming then. Wally's suggestion to Boss Petra, primarily to simplify his and her schedules, was to stick on The Nasty Party every month, seeing as three minor head-bangers enjoyed tonight's short but memorable show so much they left before the encore (which therefore didn't happen). "But what about The Ugly Americans" says she, referring to a horde of folks who nightly enquire about the Uglies next Mother-fucker of all Gigs. "I thought you said Never again!" wondered Wally aloud, using Ugly One's own words on the matter, as though Ugly One's words on the matter matter in the least. "Let's do them alternate" says Petra, but in better German; and the idea is so simple and so attractive that Wally will henceforth pretend this final solution was his own: next month The Uglies, after that The Nasties, followed by The Uglies, followed by The Nasties, etc., with the occasional collaboration thrown in to confuse the regulars. Let's see how long it takes for Petra to want her films back.

December 26

THE CHILD READERS

More on The Child Readers at the 3 Acre Floor website: www.3acrefloor.com/childreaders

The Child Readers are Jason Honea and Loren Chasse from San Francisco. On top of that, here is a description of their musical-performance by poet Brian Strang:

"Toddling their way along implied paths in a quiet forest of sound, The Child Readers explore the wonder in the incidental nature of life around us with newborn ears. They leave sparse footprints: the soft twinkles and cracks of forest floors, the hums and rushes of wet night air, the chiming of small bells, distant buzzings, menacing phantasms of rumble and the hopeful rising breath of guitars strumming. Thin voices emerge as wisps of grass, struggling out uncertain but insistent form through the deeply romantic folds of their sonic topography. The Child Readers hear with innocence and whisper their secret songs to us with baited breath."

Photos: The Child Readers

For the C.R.'s Wallywoods Christmas Special, Brian Strang was not among the little audience, though had he been, he would have written the same words. The gallery, cleared of art but for the Skeleton of Christ, became a pathed forest of dry leaves and twigs, peculiar books and symbols, mini-instruments and candles; within which two masked figures skulked and sweetly strummed. Upon layers of natural and unnatural background sounds they rustled and tinkled, joined in their mid-Winter's dream by Loren's girlfriend Christine Boepple on a little Casio, and eventually (after the passing-on of Jason's in-laws) everyone in the room on something or other.
This was more theatre than concert, serving nicely perhaps as an introduction to the coming Spring programme of plays and mis-plays in store for Wallywoods.

1: Helge der Hinterhofdichter kicks off the evening with dark seasonal poetry
2: Through the gallery window

For Ken (aka Ken), the highlight of the evening was Markus Schwill (aka Omnoise) setting fire to his famous plastic yellow raincoat shortly after arriving, destroying it completely, filling the forest with smoke and frightening various cave-dwellers. For Wally the highlight of the evening occurred later at the open mic session in Arcanoa, once again in the shape of Markus Schwill. Markus is famous for his fascination with feedback and apocalyptic noise levels. Following a lot of lame love-songs from a droning ethnical musician who shall remain nameless (always, no doubt - he played once at the gallery and was voted by Wally the worst musician ever to set foot in the place) Markus jumped on the stage, grabbed Arcanoa's one crap microphone and practically slammed it into the nearest speaker whilst stamping his foot hard enough to break the stage. The action was repeated over and over, the effect simply indescribable. Shocked customers and a gaggle of awful strummers grimaced with fingers stuffed in their ears until a lamp shaken off the speaker crashed to the floor, shorting the system and ending the two-minute act. Gabby the bad-tempered barwoman complained among others, including Helge der Hinterhofdichter (he followed up with his love poem 'Frisch Verliebt'), but Wally was over-joyed. Like a police siren in the hands of an epileptic axe man, 'How to get the Audiences Attention, Lesson 1' was not only a hit, but also strangely tuneful.

December 25

SPIT ON CHRIST
Slept all day, watched Harry Potter, then opened the gallery for Jason S.F. and friends to muster and work out a plan of action for the following night's concert. First job was to wash a bunch of frozen phlegm off the street side of the window. Someone, most likely more than one, had taken a dislike to the Skeleton Christ and gobbed on the glass a holy artwork of their own. To demonstrate what?

Who cares.

Back in the Summer a group of Turkish macho teenies had taken the same revenge in the face of one of the more provocative gallery exhibits (to avoid hurt feelings this fact was never related to the artist at the time). Then, all the lower-half of the window had to be cleaned. Nice job. Well done boys.

December 22

CRUCIFIED CHRIST
The gallery to be closed until January 14.
Needed an installation, cheap and easy, to fit between the last exhibition of 2005 and the first of 2006. Had talked about this to various people and come up with some dodgy ideas, including filling the place with rubble and cobwebs, or holding a Last Supper in the shop window with eleven drunken mates (artists and musicians of course) and then leaving the mess to be cleared up mid January. But something better, or at least less work and less smelly, came along. Young Andi Mergner studies behind the gallery at The Free Art School and a week ago he invited Wally upstairs to look at a sculpture he had made. 'Why not,' agreed Wally, who had a moment to spare - and then Lo! The answer to his prayers appeared in the form of a life-sized cardboard skeleton, bones wrapped in pages from the Bible, crucified on a real wooden cross, decorated with baubles and Christmas lights (one red Christmas tree ball planted in the gaping mouth like an apple in the main course) and crowned with a silver star encripted with the message MERRY CHRISTMAS.

Picture taken after His banishment into the corner, 26.12.05
Guards courtesy Gerhard Leidinger

Planted Him this evening in the middle of a cleared room, switched on the decorations, flooded the scene with Gustavo's red light and moved into Cécile's for the holiday period.

December 21

GOODBYE KATJA, HELLO LEE VIAJERO & THE EDGY DRIFTERS

Katja's delicate and thoughtful exhibition closed to the drums & guitar fanfare of Americana rock studs LEE VIAJERO & THE EDGY DRIFTERS (neo-desert-blues-folk from U.S./Scotland). A minimal audience at the start was augmented by various musicians new to Wallywoods (some invited the night before at The Ugly Americans Beat Club debut) as they popped in to participate in one of the oddest jam-mixes of the year. The Chicken Song by a member of the Berlin band, The Bees, was an instant success, a real party-pecker, whilst the avant-garde flute & pocket-recorder combo (Nadja and friends) were as serious in their weirdness as any Wally could wish for. There is enough material now to produce the next two compilation CDs.

An inspiring evening. It ended, after most had moved on, in a lengthy and insightful interview with the artist Miss Schütt by that old radio ham Alex Tornado. The interview was the least successful recording of the night and hardly audible on playback (the gallerist-soundman was drunk as a lord at this point), but a patiently deciphered transcription will one day follow.

December 18

PUPPETS & TOLSTOY

Place full of kiddies on a Sunday afternoon for the gallery's first puppet show, followed by a little Christmas party. "HÄHNCHEN GOLDKAMM", originally a fairytale about a hen, a cat and a fox by someone called Tolstoy, adapted for two year-olds and Wally by Sabine Zucker and her Mobiles Figurentheater. Clean fun for a nice change, despite cake crumbs. Will do it again in the Spring, perhaps with Sabine's premier of "The Frog King". More up Wally's street, the puppeteers have a mind to do Punch and Judy sometime. Followed by Derek and Clive?

December 16

FYSCHE

Authoress Fysche at Wallywoods. Click here for a short introductory speech (1.5 mb)

Flown in fresh from California. Back at Gallery Wallywoods for a book release and reading ('Tails - Swimming Both Ways', available now in German as 'Schwimm doch einfach weiter'), plus a mildly erotic gang-bang interview by a male-dominated audience, and a couple of surprises. For instance, no sexy 2006 calendar ready as internationally intended (Wally moans 'too much going on these days. Someone else do it. I'm going back to bed'). The incidental music by Siggi Stern of Pavlek Records was padded out with some stories of his own. Joining Fysche in an impromptu reading jam were Alex Tornado, Jason S.F. and Paradox Paul. Helge der Hinterhofdichter's tongue itched from the moment the immaculate authoress arrived, but he held it bravely until the troop moved on to dinner at Alan's wacky bookshop around the corner.

Downstairs at the English language bookshop 'Another Country' (Riemannstr.7, Kreuzberg)

Whatever got read, spoken about or eaten there, I don't have the mind to recall.

Meanwhile upstairs: Rock-duo 'Sister Chain & Brother John' and a blurry photo of A.T & M.C.
(Photos: Thomas Heger)

December 15

DEAR GABY,

Glad you like the idea. We love the idea.

The Uglies will now headline every month at Burger, trying to get people to DANCE during their live set which, thanks to Ken's boogie beats and Wallywoods' infectious energy, is already catching on. Each time will be supported by various guests or "Friends of Wallywoods" - but the idea incorporating you guys at the January party is extremely simple as well as sexist I'm afraid. We have a full schedule already with films and all so no poets please (another time - or any time at the gallery). The films are made by young guys, the Neukölln punk band is young guys, and the Ugly Americans, notwithstanding Queer Ken and Miss Ceci, is purely testosterone based. We need GIRLS! To get the people dancing, to run the regular go-go dancing competition (I will build a small second stage for this), to wiggle and scream into tough-man Jason's face while he cusses and abuses women across the planet. After a couple of songs by the Uglies alone, you girls can sing along as much as you want, writhe around the floor, tear your stockings, do some weird psychedelic fashion show to the music, whatever. Ken is always complaining we got too few female voices and visuals, he dreams of a groovy 3-girl chorus for instance, and Jason is so handsome he needs a bunch of groupie-witches to put him down and keep him on his toes.

That's the plan for January 14. Another time we'll do something different. Basically we are all about improvisation, mixing parties with art, theatre and decent live music, avant-garde surprises, jamming between unlikely styles and characters - and eventually making money. Just look at White Trash now, and how they started. And I think you guys have as many ideas as we do.

You will also help us get more people to the place. If the Ugly American dance parties take off as planned we might do as well as the RussenDisko people - do you know them? I'm bored with DDR-commi nostalgia. Together with the Uglies, Wallywoods are in fact making a new sound and energy in Berlin. Nobody is bored when they play. Often insulted, but not bored.

Wally.

Or this from Merry Warwick:

Wally, I hope this email finds you in good health, good pocket and with good times.

I have enjoyed following the always amusing wallywoods saga through your diaries. Highly amusing gay banter, and I can't believe my hairy nipples made it to the gallery walls! shocking. I see you have more Kaffee Burger nights planned.. unfortunately i could not afford to come to the last, but with my new job well underway, I should be able to come hopefully to the one in march.

These few months have seen a relatively disheartening amount of creativity on my part. What with living with my parents, in an area where every scene (other than crap bar binging) is dull and void, and working all day for electronics job, the evening for lighting company, I have been particularly un inspired.......

That is until me, pete and some other keen reading ravers decided to party an 8 ton freight lorry which was sitting in the middle of a field advertising a jazz night club to those passing it on the slip road from the M4 in to Reading. Maybe 60/70 people came and we had a fantastic time. I could not believe the space that this lorry seemed to have inside it... like a doctor who phone box. The party was clown themed and we had many fools turn up in fancy dressed, whilst I, if i do say so myself, destroyed the lorry by playing my latest experiment called EARSPLITTING CLOWN CORE.. which involves a fine tuning of breakcore, mashcore, drum and bass, silly pop song samples and old dance records played on 45 instead of 33. A winner! Despite the cold weather we kept the rave going till about 6am when I had to catch a couple of hours sleep before my masters graduation later that day!!!!

So Im back into the swing of things and am looking forward to updating my system this christmas so I can start to produce my own songs. I hope we can can create something together.. maybe at a Kaffee Burger night... who knows. I am coming up with lots of ideas.. the photos from Kaffee Burger are amazing. It looks like silliness reeked havoc. well done.

So I hope to be in contact with you more frequently. Lets bounce a few ideas around.

Let me know how you are keeping. I hope you have a mad christmas. Please could you either pass this email on, or just send my christmas best wishes to all the Wallywoods friends, i.e the uglies, lola, tornado, and the other people who I met.

All the best,

Warwick.

December 14

KATJA SCHÜTT

The exhibition / The artist

Exhibition opening: "FORM DES UNSICHTBAREN / FRASSBILD"

Enjoyed by all present. Katja is Cécile's favourite artist at the gallery so far.
With live music from KRISTIAN FJELLSTAD, ALEX TORNADO, MISS CECI, NIKKI SUDDEN and finally AXEL (Axel at his best so far at the gallery, hope he will do a solo show. What's his second name?)

Nikki / Axel (Photos: Thomas Heger)

Difficult to describe Katja's work. Best to see it. How about textural, feminine, bold, introverse, abstract, natural. She won a major prize recently. Maybe the judges could translate these, her own words:

FORM DES UNSICHTBAREN

"Ein Strahl oder ein Licht trifft mich, kleidet die Fläche ein und ruft sie als Relief ins Leben. Darin verflechten sich Körper und Geheimnisse und bilden ein Feld. Der Moment und die Form der Berührung, bricht in der Überschneidung und fällt in meinen Schoß. Dann entsteht ein Bild."

FRASSBILD

"Frassbilder sind ”Bilder“ in der Natur, die durch Schädlinge an Bäumen und Gehölz entstehen. Jedes Frassbild gestaltet sich auf unterschiedliche Weise und kennzeichnet so die Art der Familie der Käfer. Pappelholz in einer Größe von 1,72m x 1,25m dient mir als Ausgangsmaterial. Diese Holzplatten grundiere ich mit Seidenpapieren. Danach bearbeite ich mit verschiedenen Stechbeiteln bestimmte Stellen am Holz. So entstehen Einschnitte und Hohlräume, die das Holz wieder sichtbar werden lassen. Durch diese Art von Zeichnung oder Geflecht ergeben sich, als Relief, neue Räume und Ebenen. Mit unterschiedliche Materialien, Zeichnung und Malerei, versuche ich dann die Zwischenräume zu erfassen, zu verbinden und zu einer Art eigener Landschaft, heranwachsen zu lassen. Die Brüche und Zerstörung im Holz zu Beginn, ist gleichzeitig der Weg zu neuem Leben und Bildern, die mir in den einzelnen Schritten während der Arbeit bewußt werden. Ich breche, sehe und verbinde. Am Ende gibt es immer einen in sich geschlossenen Kosmos, gelöst aus dem unbewußten Chaos zu Beginn. Ein neuer Raum voller Leben und Möglichkeiten."

December 10

NEUKÖLLN FLOODS DWINDLE
Exhibition closing party for NICO NEUGEBAUER and his photographs of Neukölln. With CHRISTIAN OTTOW's live digital sounds from his laptop in front of an audience of two. No anti-climax however. How could these lads possibly have topped last week's opening?

December 8

UGLY ONE THROWN OUT AFTER CRAP PERFORMANCE

It's all true. The sex-flawed jewel in The Ugly Americans crown, Ugly One himself, after lowering his trousers to take a discreet crap on the K.B. stage whilst banging on the Farfisa he stole from Pink Floyd, was thrown out for calling the bargirl a fucking bitch - with adequate reason as it turns out. She first told him to fuck off after overhearing a mildly sexist conversation between himself and guest Ugly and soundman for the evening, Aussie Jon Evans from The Nasty Party.
Ugly One: "Fifty percent of German women are bitches."
Evans: "Naw. More like seventy percent..."
Were you there? Finish this text!

Meanwhile, click on these:

December 3

NEÜKOLLN FLOODS WALLYWOODS

Photographer Nico Neugebauer, guests, and Baikabrest singer Roman Pernack

Biggest party yet at the gallery for the opening of Nico Neugebauer's "Neukölln, Hier und Jetzt" photo exhibition. His second show at WW, more deserted urban landscapes, this time from the neighbouring borough of the title, saved again from being cold or ugly images through Nico's fine sense of composition, highly-contrasted pop colours and presentation technique.

Shoulder to shoulder in the front room with a bit more space in the back room: Neukölln Punk band Baikabrest, Neukölln DJs, films about Neukölln, a Turkish singer-songwriter, an exotic dancer (Turkish too I think) who rendered back-stage out of bounds for 20 minutes while she changed, a silver-winged fake-blonde angel who played badminton out in the cold then played drums; chill-out, conga battles, dancing, hollering, the cops coming twice; and a greatly connected crowd brilliantly connected to.

Fantastic night. Punk like never before at Wally's.

Photos: Nico, Annette, Sir Thomas

Another party is planned for the exhibition closing next Saturday. A low-key affair I hope. Otherwise, am considering asking a local club to take on any bigger event.

December 2

THORNMEN GO HOME

River Dillon saying bye-bye (far left), Clive (aka Graham Clayton), Elisabeth (aka Fancie)

Actually Denis, aka River Dillon, goes home Tuesday.
He will be sorely missed by many new friends made during his busy stay in Kreuzberg. Masseur Gregarious. Happily, though, some of his photo collages will stay at the gallery. His new gay calendar will also be available here, as well as at various local venues. He seems to have clinched an exhibition at the Gay Museum around the corner; and he enjoyed himself immensely at his finissage. His music wish-list was fulfilled when Clive, aka Graham Clayton from the Other Side played a lively set with electric guitar (and odd effects) followed by Elisabeth Wood, aka Fancie, melancholic, wistful, absorbing. Graham Clayton with the Long Name was accompanied by an impromptu fashion shoot when Wally demanded that Cécile put on as many of the Do Not Touch children's out-fits from last summer's exhibition she could fit into (you remember, Shoot me in the Back, Drop me in the River, Sexslave, Kick Me to Death), which she for the most part did, nice and tightly, and the best 12 photos will go into a 2006 calendar, celebrating a relaxed, surprising and good-humoured event. To be sold at the gallery as part of a new range of Live at Wallywoods Calendars.

Marie-Cécile "Never Die" Lutta with Graham Clayton from the Other Side. What a mouthful.

Sir Thomas has been our photographer of the year and an archive now exists of over a thousand pictures. If you have been to a past Wallywoods event and would like a handy souvenir-gift for the new year, Wally will make one for you. Be nice, get something nice. Pay money, get it in two days.

The 2 big Stones posters stolen from Gallery Tamen & Busch are for sale!

As well as making her debut as gogo-dancing Clive-kissing calendar-girl, Cécile debuted also as Hostess with the Wallywoods Mostess as she introduced and thanked the artists; causing Wally to consider her for M.C. at the next Burger Party on Thursday.

Photos: Wally, Sir Thomas

Later in the evening I suggested Clive play a bit with Lizzy and the result was strange enough to be eligible for the next comp CD.

November 30

THE NASTY PARTY
at Kaffee Burger.
Third show ever for The Nasty Party, that's Jon Evans (vox / electro noise ) and Dave Allen (electric guiter); supported here by Dogs in Duffel-coats. That's Jo Davis the fashion designer doing his psycho-industrial DJ-ing with voices thrown in, unless you can describe it better. Only from 9 till 11pm, but started on time, sitting on the door was not incredibly irritating, Bert appeared pleased, managed to make some handy propaganda for next Thursday's Burger Show (codeword HORNYWOMAN for free entry) and for a change, could pay all three musicians to their rough satisfaction.
Not enough public, but shit on them. They missed a right good old racket. Great stuff.

November 29

THE UGLY MARTIANS MEET ROB REGER

Friends, Berliners, Martians…

WWW.WALLYWOODS.COM presents
at ARCANOA
(am Tempelhofer Berg 8, K-berg)
THE UGLY AMERICANS
'Martian sing-along'
an intergalactic punk funk evening
featuring special guests:
The Knit Separates
(direct from San Francisco)
with:
Madame Matta
(singing your favourite songs in the original Martian)
remember those classic Martian sing-alongs?

ª–¥™©ÝŸŸ¶Ÿ�ß–

and

ª€¨©©Ý祥ø†ˆŸˆÝ

Hear them just like in the good ole days when Martians were Martians and men were nervous…
Bring your antenna!

Rob Reger (in real life, creator of
the 'Emily the Strange' comics)

"I've rarely witnessed so much creative energy rise amidst so few people for such a duration of time in one room. Jingle-bells will be a colossal hit."
(Winston Churchill to the U-S-Ambassador, War Rooms, 1944.)

November 27

CECILE'S BIRTHDAY

It was actually a triple birthday party, but I didn't know the other two

was actually last week and did not take place at the gallery but in a clubhouse last night in August Strasse 70. That's the Street of a Hundred White-Walled Galleries, stiff and sterile as medical waiting rooms. As bright and sophisticated as the toilets. I dislike even walking passed the places, chewing over those years of uselessly attempting to impress the manikins who work there with ideas of universal genius politely imposed through razor-sharp logic, and being made to feel like a clothes-peg peddler. Peddling crap clothes-pegs.
Cécile is a damn good painter, too, and was happy to find a gallery which dictates only one thing: NO CLAP-TRAP BUROCRATIC ART-TALK BULLSHIT. That was Wallywoods of course (above pics taken at her opening - see July 20).

Wally plays the gallerist

So maybe I was in a bad mood anyway. Even before we got there I had to enter one of these clinics to distribute flyers with Denis. He simply could not comprehend my gloom beneath all those lights and wafts of flowers, after-shave, white wine and white paint. It should have been pleasant, and might have been after lashings of alcohol and fist-fulls of salt-sticks, but I only felt that old school urge to flee from confinement and never return. Why do young artists opening contemporary galleries reconstruct again and again, down to the kettle and the calendar in the coffee-zone, the featureless spaces the Wise Ones have been constructing since the invention of neon strip-lighting?
Silly question. The Art Scene. Crafted and owned by Mum and Dad.

Later, at the clubhouse, Ugly One sang Happy Birthday, Cécile (aka Marie-Cécile Lutta) sang some other happy songs; and shortly after that The Ugly Americans had the plug pulled after just two numbers because some bitter old fart - the fart in power - thought The Uglies were crude. Well, yes they are fucking crude, Mrs. But they don't make me want to escape confinement like you do; or like the DJ who, instructed suddenly to make people dance, quickly and noisily turned the place into a star-spangled morgue for twitching stiffs.

They cut the live show for THAT?

I sent a mail to Ugly One quoting this night as the exact reason to open a Club-Gallery Wallywoods soon as possible next year. A big, cosy, happy place where things get done properly. A place to really piss people off.

Back in the bunker, however, and back on the positive side, the first band Marwell was permitted to finish their set with knobs on (albeit with no sound at all coming from the lead guitar). Wally then invited them to jam with The Uglies, which didn't upset them a bit, and later invited them to his hole-in-the-ground to do whatever they like, whenever they like. Apparently intensely bright teenagers, their songs, sound and professionalism is impressive.

Long may they be permitted to thrive!

November 26

WALLYWOODS GOES GAY

This sadly confused nonsense from Ugly One today:

With the recent exhibit of gay photographer River Dillon's semi-portraits hanging elegantly on the pale-gray walls of Wallywoods, patrons of the punk den have been whispering amongst themselves, the gossip mill churning with mildly perverse suggestions. Has Wallywoods gone gay? Simply by housing a gay exhibit? Certainly not. But housing a gay and French exhibit, now that's cause for concern. Indeed the sometimes queer-bashing Wally was seen trying to clean out the notorious "backroom", adding to the malicious rumour that he might be offering his gallery as a gay sex party on Sunday nights to raise some sorely needed funds. When prodded, Wally was firm in his response: "Just because we've got a gay exhibit doesn't mean a fucking thing, you faggot cunt!" But hearsay will be said and heard. With photographs of at least one hairy-nippled English bloke, Wally's fast friend Warwick, on display for all to see, the evidence seems clear, the picture screaming a thousand words, crying out in the night that it's okay to be gay 'cause I am what I am and I've got to be me. Then eyewitnesses reported the almost unbelievable. Wally was seen in slime bar Arcanoa tongue kissing Alex Tornado, a known bisexual. The inevitable question was bound to be asked. Has Wally gone gay? Girlfriend Marie-Cécile Lutta, asked about the habits of her kept beast, was candid in noting some obvious changes in his general behaviour. "He has been commenting on my wardrobe recently," she mentioned. "But he still eats with his hands, and no articles of clothing are missing except that bra that the Ugly Americans stole." When pressed she added: "I think the gay French exhibit has affected him subliminally. He keeps telling me things like: 'Red really is your colour, Madame,' or: 'Sorry honey, but the shoes don't go with the belt.'" Still, she insists that if anything, the loosening of puritan English mores at Wallywoods has only turned Wally into even more of a beast in bed. "If he is gay, it's a hell of an act."

November 25

TORNADO REBORN

Petra from Arcanoa suddenly needed a fill-in act when two punk bands booked for the same evening cancelled separately at point-blank notice. Fairly unprofessional, someone with no conception of the music business might think. My solution, after e-mailing and phoning around for an hour, was Mr Tornado. Mr Tornado's solution was to don white flares, glitter and make-up, and sing along to his own self-made hyper-pop CD backing-tracks regardless of that venue's fucking terrible sound system or the fact that the five po-faced guests sitting around refused to jump up and down, screaming and balling, and singing along as would have been perfectly apt. When the Wallywoods crew turned up later (after dinner and space-cookies at Alan's Almighty English Bookshop around the corner) he loosened his belt, let out more wind than ever and performed the campest and possibly also the silliest act yet seen at Ye Olde Macho-Stuffed Leather-Wearer's Bagpipe-Blowers Tavern.

The Tornado's self-made blurb needed some corrections:

Achtung!......Achtung! Achtung!......Achtung! Achtung!
Achtung! Achtung!......Achtung! Achtung!......Achtung!

Two bands from Duisburg (or someplace) have cancelled their gig at Arcanoa due to the death of both their lead singers in separate car accidents (or something). Instead you shall enjoy the not yet famous:

ALEX TORNADO & friends: SHOW!

and his virtual naughty nightmare bagpipe orchestra.

He will perform his U-NDW Songs (Ultra Neue Deutsche Welle) beginning 10pm, Arcanoa, Am Tempelhofer Berg 8, Berlin-Kreuzberg.

Later there shall POSSIBLY be a support by the Farfisa organ legend UGLY ONE and any additional musical acts are warmly welcome!

Bring spouses!

Achtung! Achtung!......Achtung! Achtung!......Achtung!
Achtung!......Achtung! Achtung!......Achtung! Achtung!

I suggested to Alex (while yet able to speak) that he only needs a decent sound system and a decent audience and he will hit superstardom before the year is out. Tragically, Ugly One did not join him on stage, neither did anyone else, as was vaguely planned for. Oh, except that is by Wally, when everyone else was gone, doing his debut Adolf Hitler impersonation to Tornado's lyrics through extreme distortion and a mouthful of space-cake. Which gave Adolf Wally an idea...

November 23

ALICIA (PART #2)

"Dear Friends,

After the success of last week’s solo concert, ALICIA will appear again at the gallery this Wednesday, 23 November, 8pm. It will be her final gig in Germany before returning to the U.S. for one year. Last chance then to hear her music and wish her all the best.."

Fantastic. Three or four times more audience, Alicia on better form, one song for the compilation CD, and jams later with Cécile (Cécile's best recording yet), Fancie, Tommy Simatupang, Anne Sievers, Tornado's mouth-organ. And Thomas Franz' "Ich Geh Auf Der Strasse" was followed by that very same most versatile Tornado, backed up by Wally swaying in the breeze, covering that very same song deep into the nearby gutter.

Alicia Jumbo-jetted out at 4 am. I think she had fun.

November 22

Short e-mail sent to random friends:

I remembered the name of the 60's model who’s coming by the gallery in the next hour or so; Veruschka von something. She played in the film Blow-up.

Short reply from Nikki:

Wow!

November 19

RIVER DILLON & OLD SEED

River Dillon making his speech (0.75 mb) / Old Seed / Respectful audience

"Thornmen" / "Hommes - Epines" / "Dornenmänner"

A description of the exhibit:

"River Dillon uses superimposed images to create his photo compositions, taking the negative of a cactus or thistle and laying it over the negative of his model. The subsequent image is a combination of these two worlds that transforms dream boys into monsters: Thornmen have a fatal beauty's power of seduction but will hurt anyone who comes near. The show at Wallywoods Gallery also features a new angle in Dillon's work, with men merged with metal spikes, inspired by Berlin's SM, gothic and punk scenes..."

The River Dillon exhibition poster & Old Seed in persons

The opening of River Dillon's quietly gay photo exhibition was musically accompanied by Old Seed, that is Craig Bjerring, still on tour since playing here earlier in the year. The music was fabulous. Craig reckoned he as a musician, as well as the gallery, had made serious strides since the last gig. A decent recording was made (including a little speech by the featured artist, Berlin-sniffles and all) and the aforementioned artist, as well as his father who is 82 and here directly from Paris with a bunch of other relatives and friends, enjoyed themselves so much that River Dillon decided to return to Berlin after two days to further publicise his show and arrange a grand-finale (his plan originally was to fly back with the others and enjoy Paris for a while before moving here permanently in the new year).

What happened after Craig abandoned the microphone is anyone's guess.

Jason san Francisco (x2), unknown surprise guest singer, Maya from the Comic Shop and Helge der Hinterhofdichter

Apparently Marie-Cécile and I took him home and fed him lamb-chops. Among many things I don't recollect, we talked about something of interest to us all, improv-theatre. Whenever the friendly Canadian returns to the Berlin, with or without beard, we should plan a bigger show.

Mr Seed with fan-club / English Anthony, once young friend of Andy Warhol and one day featured Wallywoods artist..?

November 16

ALICIA (PART #1)

Alicia and I got our wires slightly crossed regarding the gig date. In a handy compromise we unanimously decided to do two concerts, a week apart, instead of just the one planned. Almost no-one turned up for this first episode, but the performance was super professional never-the-less, and she even got paid a bit. Alicia is a very gifted and widely respected 'blues, rock, folk' singer and song-writer. Our current resident artist River Dillon, just arrived from Paris, could sporadically be heard between numbers applauding from the back room where, with his beloved assistant Zabo (below, red top), he was already working on his show, ready to open the following Saturday.

November 10

PSYCHEDELIC BURGER

WWW.WALLYWOODS.COM presents:
‘Psychedelic Party’ at Kaffee Burger
(Music Art Theatre Circus)

Hosted by HORNYMAN

21.15:
Brian, Noel, Kristian (separately, own songs, guitar)
22.00:
GRAHAM CLAYTON FROM THE OTHER SIDE
(Clive, soft punk)
22.30:
HEIDENLÄRM (Middle-ages punk) Three men & a girl. Two bagpipes, electric violin, lute, horn, warrior's drum. www.heidenlaerm.org
23.30:
THE UGLY AMERICANS (punk-funk circus + sound difficulties)
+ MARIE-CECILE LUTTA (Latin vocals)
+ KRISTIAN FJELLSTAD (electric guitar)
00.30:
Scott (a.k.a. DJ ska) and friend appearing under the name THE PUNK SCIENTISTS, who didn't make it over from England.

Also featuring:
Video show by JOHN
Self-body painting & go-go dancing with GEORGE KERBER
Performance painting with WALLY & DRUNKEN GUESTS
Badminton on the dance floor
Political disputes
Expulsion of the guest who brought & insisted on playing his own ghetto-blaster
Molestation of the go-go dancer by the m.c.
Tantrums and blood on the pavement outside.

Someone high only in architectural circles said "I don't get it". Bert the Boss on the other hand was in unusually high spirits. Ugly One, whilst performing with his pants down, got cigarette-burned by a young female (not his type anyway) of growing notoriety. Nikki arrived too late to play. Gerry Electronica disappeared before going on. All pretty much according to plan really:

"Dear Friends,

Here is your personal invitation for the Wallywoods biggest event of the year, our first Psychedelic Party, which will take place at Kaffee Burger, Torstrasse 60 (Rosa-Luxemburg-Platz) this Thursday, 10 November. Beginning at 9pm with live music and improvised performance the long and meticulously planned madness will explode through the night with London DJs, go-go dancing and fuck knows what else. Be square or be there. Wally.

P.S. The password to get through the door without paying a cent is HORNYMAN, but don’t tell everyone."

Click on these:

November 9

Anna, mother of Timsky Baby Superstar, cooked for a party the night before and invited Sir Thomas and I to pick up the leftovers to feed ourselves and other hungry art-folk. The feast filled the car, then all the tables in the gallery and then, quite crucially, the gallerist himself. Sent out an emergency e-mail an hour before. Oddly perhaps, or perhaps not, this got more response then any info-mail Wallywoods has put out in a year:

"You are pleasantly invited to a surprise fish-soup buffet (free) + music this evening at Gallery Wallywoods."

November 5

SUKI OSMAN

Photos: Thomas Heger (taken on 4.10.05)

Sadly no pics (if you were there, send yours to Wallywoods!) so here are another two from Suki's mini-concert of a month ago. Ignore Theo's painting in the background, that has been replaced with an ungodly series of gems from Sig Bang Schmidt's wacky record collection. As suspected, and with Suki's gracious permission I believe, one of her songs will end up on the third compilation CD. Not 'Summertime' of course (it is by now well known that Wallywoods gets queasy when cover-versions fog the air), although, having been requested to sing it a second time because she sings it fantastically, Suki deftly changed the words to 'Wintertime' (the temperature outside has dropped through the floor) leaving Wally in a terrible dilemma. No. Stuff it. Original material only. Anyway, Suki's own songs are fantastic too.

November 4

RECORD COVERS
presented by SIG BANG SCHMIDT & THEO HORBACH:

"Die beiden bildenden Künstler Sig Bang Schmidt und Theo Horbach sind begeisterte Vinylanhänger. Viele ihrer Arbeiten wurden durch Musik inspiriert.

Die Ausstellung zeigt einige dieser einzigartig gestalteten Schallplatten. Die beiden Maler erklären diese zum Kunstwerk. Sie werden durch die Präsentation zu Bildern und Objekten überhöht.

Sig Bang Schmidt geht dabei noch einen Schritt weiter und bezieht die Hülle durch Übermalung direkt in seinen Werkprozess ein.."

Mad fun.

October 31

WALLYWEEN

Recently resurrected picture of Wally at the squatted
Cafe Sludge, Halloween, 1994 (kind permission: Bob King)

The gallery's grand 1 year anniversary dress-up, candle-lit Tarot reading, bad-trip story-telling, under-visited but generally pleasant evening of top-hats, Mad George, hypnotising duels and ungodly but occasionally spot-on improv music ended in a fight between two alcoholic Africans who had to be removed before they killed one another or damaged a painting. Happily they only knocked over Hornyman's seventh organ, threw beer on the wall beside Wally's priceless portrait, brought to a premature end Wally's Tarot sitting and spit-soaked the glass of Wally's front door. Happily, too, the fisticuffs were not witnessed by that nice party of four well-mannered, rather pretty, gob-smacked Devil-speaking fans of Nikki who arrived early and stayed till the Dark Master (heavy-eyed and too sleepy to have his cards read as soberly planned) and Darrell Bath (Crybabies, Dogs D'Amour), convincingly disguised as Cockney chimney sweeps, had played a set which began exactly at midnight and ended in a dreamy Victorian haze.

Ornish Gadfly of The London Times also vanished before the attempted slaughter but won't be surprised to hear about it:

A typical night at Wallywoods:

A homeless negro goes to sleep on the floor in the back room.

A small audience gathers in expectation of a rare performance by the legendary Nikki Sudden.

Instead, the Ugly Americans show up. Jason the dancing bear and Hornyman with his organ. (His 7th organ, after Wally smashed his 6th to bits. Organ bits.)

Jason gets stoned and starts singing, without mic or accompaniment, warming up his elephant lungs in an attempt to frighten the audience. Wally starts worrying about the neighbors.

The frightened audience stares, wondering what that big hairy gay man is singing and why he's so loud.

Wally asks Hornyman to play his organ, if he might be so kind as to supply some quiet incidental background music to the Tarot readings on the carpet.

Hornyman starts to play his organ, some raucous disquieting ass-licking music to which the audience responds with laughter. Another homeless negro falls asleep on the couch.

Jason gives Hornyman that gay look that seems to be asking "What are you playing, dear?" starts to sing anyway, with mic, although the mic isn't working but no one notices anyway because his voice is still louder than Hornyman's raucous organ as well as the garbage truck going by outside and the helicopters overhead.

Wally pulls the plug.

Power is restored in time for Ceci (a.k.a. Marie-Cécile Lutta) to sing some Locos Pocos or Poco Loco but she's too loco (a.k.a. stoned) to decide which it is.

Wally pulls the plug.

Power is restored and Hornyman performs his one man/one woman show, concluding the evening's entertainment with a soprano aria, Puccini's "vissi d'arte, vissi d'amore" (I lived for art, I lived for luuuuuv). Nikki Sudden shows up, puts his guitar case on Hornyman's organ and proceeds with pal Darell to give a rare CENSORED performance of CENSORED CENSORED.

The audience is delighted. Wally is happy.

The homeless negro sleeping on the floor in the back room wakes up, drinks a beer, smokes a cigarette and joins the audience. When asked later what he thought of the performance he says: "I does country music too," and promptly goes back to sleep.

Another night to remember.

Dead right.

After mummifying ourselves with well-salted spaghetti and countless further doobies at Madame Cécile's around the corner, it was unanimously agreed that Mad George and she and I and Chris Hughes should visit the Bergmann Street Graveyard and pay our respects to the latter's late girlfriend, Anja. A taxi driver in highest spirits dropped us off at a low part in the fence and Chris, ever more quiet, shared with us his well-trodden way in the dark. Some time after Wally set fire to his own hair whilst exploring a crypt with a lighter the spot was found and respects, in their different ways, were paid.

If I could dedicate something to Anja, as well as Chris who went through hell when she over-dosed, I would do it; but I can think of nothing precious enough.

October 28

NO TANGO, NO SALSA, NO ENGLISH IMPERIAL MUSAK..

Pescadores de Ventanas return to Wallywoods.

Was great. Wall to wall nubile Gustavo groupies, sitting on the floor even to the rising icon's feet - followed by a cosy jam.

Photos: Thomas Heger

Helge der Hinterhofdichter broke a tom-tom drum.
Managed to pay the band.

October 26

THE JACOBITES & ALEX TORNADO'S NEW BAND

Was great.

Followed by Alex Tornado's new band:

Photos: Thomas Heger / Wally

Sent this two days later to Mr Tornado:

Dearest Sandra,

I’ve been so preoccupied organising free drug-powered trips around the universe for bums and now paying clients too that I completely overlooked thanking you heartily, and especially thanking The Mini Whirlers heartily, for the unique evening of entertainment you gifted my establishment with a short number of days ago.

In the end you are probably quite right – indeed you do need a band, though not 24 hours a day I hope. When you play at the K.K.K. I only pray you are equipped with a more favourable sound system (or a more favourable sound). As I said off the bat and through my cuff in drunken English directly after your unforgettable debut: If your words are not clearly understood over the, albeit, pleasant and most watchable rumpus, you risk emptying any establishment of any class or custom in any town within 8 minutes (or the first 2 numbers).

Peter Prowler.

October 25

MR DYLAN DIDN'T TURN UP

But Kristian did, Nikki did (straight from the real Dylan concert across town), Polish Darios on super sax (the gamble paid off), and a black-haired fashion-gothic friend of Nikki's apparently from a bigger-name band than the Jacobites.

Was great.

October 19

TIMUR ÇELIK: OIL PORTRAITS

"Margereta" (24x18cm) from a series of 10 (Kristian on the end makes 11).

Timur's was a model opening. Neat, powerful, classically modern oil-portraits, filling the new-look gallery with a new-look professionalism at least equalling that of Theo Horbach's latest exhibition, packed up and removed a few days before. Heftiest price-tag yet (8000 euros) on the large painting of Wally, erected not in the window as planned for the sodding neighbours to admire; still, not to be overlooked on the street-facing wall.

Left: the gallerist, the painter and the painted gallerist.
Right: "Isa" in the bachgound (24x18cm) and two dodgy art-dealers in the foreground.

Though we make ever more friends in the neighbourhood, no-one in this building after a year now (with one borderline exception) has ever shown anything other than rude indifference or downright contempt. Well, fuck 'em. Kristian FJellstad set himself up in a tight corner for his solo gig ("if things get tough I'll shoot my way out"). He is thinking of dropping his solo album project - almost completed I thought - and replacing it with a "Live at Wallywoods" collection from the various concerts he has by now performed here.
Things turned jammy when Phil from the English bookshop 'East of Eden' followed with a few songs; Wally brought out Cécile's enormous Congas (left over from her lesson this week - occasional music classes on the Wallywoods menu now), then the Uglies broke any ice that was left by out funning everyone present. Finally, Wally smashed to pieces with a hammer the horrible Universum keyboard Ugly One had been using and himself abusing with the famous last words: "I hate that thing". The thing was playing itself the moment Ugly One stepped back and it took some determined strokes before it, as well as the audience, fell at last into gob-smacked silence. Sig Bang Schmidt and Cécile were vehemently unimpressed as the keys like broken teeth flew dangerously about; though others, including the starring artist, were at least entertained, some taking shards of yellowed plastic as souvenirs home with them.

Various people, including U.S. Phil Hickey (right) dreaming about his solo gig at the gallery on December 21.

Photos: Thomas Heger

The paintings survived but the mess to clean up the next day was enormous. The hammer, keyboard carcass and debris will sit in the window for a week with a label attached: 'Schlagermusik' ('hit music').

Ornish Gadfly writes for The London Times:

Mr Woods makes his Berlin debut.

Last Wednesday the pianist P.D.Woods played his first recital in Berlin at Gallery Wallywoods in Kreuzberg. The performance began tentatively, but without doubt ended on a bang, the audience brought to a standing ovation as the pianist demonstrated his virtuosity by smashing the keys to bits. "My teacher (the late Shlomo Abramowitz) always encouraged me to play with more conviction," Mr Woods said in an interview (see page 63). "When I play I want the audience to feel something." The audience did indeed feel something. Eye-witnesses reported that people sitting in the front row were hit with shards of ivory. No law suits have been filed, but a number of people walked out before the encore, a repeat performance, the keys continuing to play after being smashed to bits. Not until the final blow was the intrument finally silenced.

October 14

THEO'S END

No photographs were taken at Mr Horbach's Finissage. A good crowd turned up early and stayed late, most got very drunk and the Gallerist doesn't remember anything other than the incredible improv-jam that developed through the course of the evening. Incredible also is the fact the cops haven't turned up for so long, at least four months now. Theo brought with him a real sax and a toy sax along with odd percussion instruments including two dangerously sharp and heavy metal rings, possibly parts of a car axle, which a big blond drunken friend of his beat together for most of the evening, splitting and swelling his hands, which went un-noticed until his hangover woke him up the next morning. The Uglies led the session at Theo's request, but the great event, indeed one of the greatest shocks of the year, has to be Sig Bang Schmidt on (the real) saxaphone. He hasn't played in many years, and to be honest, nobody ever really thought he could.

He can. Man, oh man. Quite rusty of course, not quite hitting the low notes and quite a few others: but perhaps for this reason the resulting noise complemented Ugly One's jazzy (for once) Farfisa and Ugly Two's elephant lungs to a kind of hysterical perfection. For much of the time Siggy's wife Gerda blew a referee's whistle at the top of her own large lungs and was barely noticed. And Theo, sad that his show is now over, admits to having had a magical night and, in all, the best exhibition he has had anywhere.

Thanks Theo.

October 12

RUBIES

Rubies (U.S.) on European Tour. First stop Gallery Wallywoods, Berlin. The blurb:

"Musical performance group RUBIES was started by Simone Rubi who also plays in the group CALL & RESPONSE (albums out on Kindercore, Emperor Norton, Badman Recording Co.). Loose and ephemeral, RUBIES influences are The Plants, cloud-like modulations, sci-fi disco, teary love songs, animals, people, and ambient channels through synthesis. Sounds like harmony with ivory, bubble-gum, travelling, the flip side, danceable folk, new ways to play a simple song on guitar.." (from Rubies' website).

RUBIES PERFORMS WHILE DANIELLE RUBI SHOWS PHOTOGRAPHS (CYANOTYPES)

Photos: Thomas Heger

Erlend Øye from Kings of Convenience (above left) is a friend of Rubies (right) and dropped in to do a couple of numbers after her set. An evening of casual charm, slightly kooky music (Rubies) and an impromptu but very neat travelling exhibit of photos from, as it turned out, two photographers including Rubies' sister, melted down into a very kooky jam night with Jason S.F., Kristian Fjellstad and a Scandinavian rapper beneath hat and big mouth who was alone in voicing in his own tongue (not realising he was understood by our own Scandinavian, Kristian F.) an opinion that the final jam-bash was bollocks.

October 10

Dear Mr Woods

This is an automatic email to inform you that despite previous reminders we have not received payment for your domain name wallywoods.com. This domain name has now EXPIRED.

Your website and email associated with this domain name will shortly cease to function.

Domain Renewals Department,
XCalibre Communications Ltd,
West Lothian, U.K.

October 7

FLEA MARKET

Sent an e-flier the night before:

Wallywoods is not for the first time proud to present those not yet legendary psychedelic party-twisters:

THE UGLY AMERICANS
“Good-bye Old Farfisa”

A tragedy in two painful acts.
Featuring the long-awaited public banishment of Ugly One’s infamous Wallywoods Farfisa (retired off to Danny's new Bar) followed by a flea-market sell-off of various gallery items including organs, drawing board, t-shirt printing machine, old art and other random cultural crap.

Six people turned up including the band.
Some good recordings, though, for an Uglies CD.

Photos: Wallywoods

Visited Messers Sudden and Kusworth from the Jacobites later at the Blaue Enzion or whatever the place is called. Took a parrot with us.

October 4

MR KUSWORTH DIDN'T TURN UP

Nor did Mr Breu. Nikki did though, perhaps fifteen others including Bert Pappenfuss (secretly photographed through the shop-window dropping Burgerisms in Wally's big ear - pic #1 below), and at last the young, happy, sweet and pretty Indian-roots English singer-songwriter with a technique and talent akin to the great Elisabeth Wood: Suki Osman (pic #3 above), uncovered in Arcanoa the night before and dragged to Wallywoods under false pretences. Booked her a solo gig. One of her songs surely destined for the next compilation CD. Before that, though, it was fun to see and hear Nikki joined one way or another on the Persian carpet by Cécile (improvised singing), Giles Schumm (harmonica) and Jason (er.. Jason - pic #2 below).

Gave me a wacky idea for Arcanoa.

October 3

A letter to Acud:

Dear Dag Zippel,

One of the singers in the Ugly Americans spoke to you about a possible performance. The Ugly Americans are one of a number of bands and performers who regularly perform at Gallery Wallywoods in Kreuzberg. We are a Brit art/poster gallery dedicated to bringing together an international collection of artists, musicians and poets, acoustic, electronic, a mishmash of everything from folk to punk featuring both the known and unknown. Last week Nikki Sudden played for the opening of Theo Hornbach, but just as well we've had many young newcomers exhibit and play. We are booked once a month at Kaffee Burger (next show November 10). Our CD release party there in August was a great success, extended an hour because of the screaming audience, and since then we are looking for other established venues for our show The Wallywoods Experience in order to raise money for the gallery, paying the bills always a problem. The show starts with singer-songwriters, poets, a bit of comedy and theater and gradually builds as the audience gets involved. There's live painting and an impromtu exorcism performed on stage with a volunteer from the audience. Finally the Ugly Americans come on and all hell breaks loose. I have not been able to capture their particular intensity on tape but the enclosed CD will give you an idea of the diversity of our performers and what we sound like (including the exorcism). A look at www.wallywoods.com will give you an idea of what we look like and what we're all about.

You can contact me at: wallywoods@gmx.net. Look forward to hearing from you. (Auch auf Deutsch. Es ist nur ein bisschen leichter fuer mich auf Englisch zu schreiben.)

P. Woods.

and an e-mail to Ugly One:

Your letter to Acud is just the job Ken. Forge my signature and send it.

October 1

B.BURGESS ON A RAINY NIGHT

Poster (left): B.Burgess

English Brian brought along his miniature metal sculpture scenarios 'Affirmations 1-21' as part of his poetry, song and sculpture evening. Clearly he deserves a two week show of his own. The evening was then a fore-taste of things to come. Glasses of wine, suits and ties, poignant poetry (Brian admits to weeping sometimes), the painful expulsion of ignoramus Crazy "I kill Hell's Angels I do" Steve causing Wally (drenched and fuming) to miss the double-bass trio highlight of the evening, Clive's refusal to fulfill his Arcanoa giggish appointment around the corner and drunken fisticuffs at that place of esteem later.

The poet Tom de Toys (left, black shirt) among other enchanting guests

Something like culture verses culture.

September 30

THEO HORBACH & NIKKI SUDDEN

After a madly busy week the renovation was just completed in time for Theo's exhibition of sculpture and paintings - sculpture for the first time at the gallery (excluding the odd Wally curiosity). Excellent stuff, if familiar - academic, classically modern, expensive looking - and expensive. The large painting (poster#2, top) looks fab on the newly-clad largest wall. Sir Thomas was stunned on arrival (having missed the building-site theatricals like everyone else) and voiced an opinion repeated by others again and again since: "It looks like a real gallery." Yes it does, though some already miss the cluttered informality of previous times. Bad luck. Wally's master-plan is unstoppable. Soon the concerts will generate money. And if Theo sells a medium-sized work all debts and bills will be paid this month.

Theo Horbach (far left) and Nikki playing between Theo's two largest paintings.

Mr Sudden played a good-natured early set to Mr Horbach's complete professional satisfaction and later we all pissed off to Arcanoa where, coincidently, a Wallywoods Experience featuring The Ugly Americans was taking place. M.C.Gadfly's new portable Farfisa (the same model used by Pink Floyd to similar effect) was the only instrument at The Uglies' disposal, supported (as if it needed supporting) by add-lib or rarely rehearsed vocals on stage by any combination of the following: San Francisco Kid, M.C.Lutta, Alex Tornado, B.Burgess, a screaming drunk female in her fifties, Clive and Siggy, Kenny the dancing linguist, Gerhard Electronica (hunched over his laptop after solving the dispute about his amp), Wally, and who cares who else. What a racket. Much distortion and The Uglies, including Cécile, bared their arses (picture has since been removed at the lady's request).

The Wallywoods Crew at Arcanoa.

They loved it. Regular date planned.

September 27

SOUND ALCHEMY & INDUSTRIAL ROMANCE

Appropriately named Y-Ton-G and his friends CD Kreisverband Friedrichshain shared appocaliptic-electronica sets on the scaffolding in the middle of a half-renovated room. Industrious. Perfect.

Fucking loud.

Y-Ton-G writes about himself:

"Klang-Alchymie bedeutet für mich die klangliche Auseinandersetzung mit der Entdeckung und Entwicklung der Seelenpersönlichkeit. Es geht also nicht um die Psyche, wie z.B. bei der Klang-Malerei. Das Seelenheil ist, so harmoniesüchtig wie es in der New Age Musik behandelt wird, auch nicht mein Thema. Was mich Interessiert ist nicht so sehr die menschlich-rituelle Gottesansprache (der Rythmus) und nicht der musikalisch-intuitive Gotteseinfluß (die Melodie), sondern ganz einfach das Geräusch als solches. So wie es unsere Seelenpersönlichkeiten, seit dem Fall in die Materie, auf dem Weg der Rückführung, begleitet."

September 23

DON CHAMBERS

Took the opportunity between exhibitions to do a bit of renovation. A sound-proofed ceiling and (eventually) two sound-proofed walls - at last. Painted with Cécile on the pre-clad walls a logo and a big portrait of the man himself, Don Chambers, all the way from the states with his banjo and a cosy appointment at Wally's. A master in his trade. From Don's website:

"Athens Georgia's Don Chambers sings through pipes that are parched and hungover, apologetic but proud. His is the voice of a man who’s lived four of your lifetimes in the last couple of weeks, backed by acoustic guitar, banjo, fiddle, stand-up bass, household objects as percussion and the occasional singing saw. His music leans, with equal respect, toward long-haul country and speakeasy noir, but falls into neither pigeonhole. What you’ll remember are the stories and the voice."

Don with friend Sanni singing 'Falling in Love Again'
(joined fittingly by Lola in the audience and rudely by Wally the howling dog).

Another master, Nikki Sudden then did a bit of his own trade and Wally, a master in the trade of beer these days and taking photos from the scaffolding, remembers nothing more.

September 21

VEREIN MEETING

A Verein is at loosest a club and at stupidest a 'society'. To form the Wallywoods Verein, seven magnificent members are needed to vote in the king, queen and treasurer (Wally, Ugly One and Sir Thomas hopefully) and sign a boot-load of paperwork. As it happens, seven good men gathered for the first Wallywoods Verein Plenum; they were Wally, Ugly One, Jason S.F., Martin V., Mark van Klark, Sig Bang Schmidt and Sir Thomas, who took the dullest photos the gallery has yet seen.

Renovation under control.

September 17

DIGESTING THE SAMPLES

Exhibit closing party & foggy-eyed examination of results.

Bit of a performance at first (and quite a rumpus later on). A live dissection of the last surviving samples from England, a woodlice and a spider. In front of a little audience. Clive filmed some of it on a digital camera, interviewed fake scientist Peter but didn't listen to the answers. Too drunk. Helge arrived drunk and quite excited to show me an encouraging write up of our last poetry slam at Bastard (encouraging for me - Helge got slammed almost to tears of frustration). Peter and Warwick performed for a second time their amazing 'In The Box' experiment, but this time in the shop-window.

Five or six people witnessed the farce from a semi-circle of chairs outside on the pavement. A passing german couple stopped for the duration, applauded with the remaining stoned guests and walked on with a 'Zankyou wery much'. The mob, laughing heartily, were herded inside and one of the maddest improv-jams this place has seen then took place. Yes indeedy. Headstand lessons, over-head projector interactive animation, Clive getting a smacker on the lips from Wally (can't remember how things came to that; kissed his girlfriend Siggy too), Helge bent over the Farfisa like Glenn Gould with weights in his hat playing like a demon (a revelation - booked the act for the next Kaffee Burger, if we can get him drunk enough) after singing poetry into a mike which was clearly unplugged (unfortunately no recording made, the mixer still being fixed). Threw everyone out when they started trashing the place, beating one of our valuable black chairs with bits of wood earlier emptied from the featured wooden box, whist chanting over and over in a laughing creative-destructive frenzy:
'Wallywoods! Wallywoods! Wallywoods..!'

Danced later at an empty Arcanoa with Clive and Siggy.

This from Cécile earlier:

No, I won’t be pissed off when I am back. It’s just that Ken’s discussion about the Uglies made me feel kicked out before I’m in. I am so happy to sing again. Ken sent me a nice mail back after we discussed it. Everything is ok. The only thing is I want to sing, and if Alex is taking over the show I won’t be happy. Anyway, Ken writes that Jason leaves the stage when he starts to play. I don’t know if that is true or not. My question is why did I become an Ugly? I am a beginner and I want to become a good singer. So. I will leave on Monday to Zurich and Wednesday night I’ll take the train to Berlin. So you will bring the futon to mine, thank you very much. You didn’t sleep in my house anymore? I learned now almost 3 songs and it will be very interesting and funny to test them. Sure I would like to be on stage longer than what I did till now, but it’s not easy for me without knowing what to do and we never rehearse. Jason is a professional. I am just happy Ken asked me to sing. We’ll see what happens. Thank you for the kind of mattress.

Looking forward to see you soon,

MC

Photos: Thomas Heger (through Peter's microscope).

September 14

THE PUNK SCIENTISTS

The Punk Scientists are Brits Peter Dennis and Warwick Elkins taking a well earned leisure-break half way through their hugely complex, week-long 'Samples for the Lab' experiment. As the gallery is running a parallel NO ART WEEK it would not be fitting to describe their intriguing and slightly mad 'In The Box' routine as just any old arty-farty 'performance'. Better perhaps would be 'a slap-stick experiment into human logistics, addiction to claustrophobia and endurance of both practitioner and observer'. Among the very few, very privileged observers were Laughing Lola, Ugly One, Two Ladies dragged in off the pavement to sit in astounded silence and sheepishly leave after a mere five minutes of this torture, Lovely Maya from the Comic Shop and Alex Tornado. The Tornado was in the box of course within two minutes of stepping through the door. Ingeniously making room for a microphone (in his arse it was widely suspected) he managed to perform his third concert at Wally's before a rare strain of psychic cramp had him burst from the crate and wreck the place.

Wally himself ended up on stage at Arcanoa for the rest of the evening howling along to the home-made bagpipes of Nils, the handsome leather-clad middle-ages enthusiast. This in itself is hardly information of historical importance. The bagpipes getting booked as icing on the cake at the next Kaffee Burger show is worthier news; but the sensation of the night is surely the moment Wally ordered his tenth beer from Petra the boss (the lady who deals with all those noise complaints from unsophisticated neighbours) to which she replied - 'Only if you get back on the stage and continue to sing.'

No word of a lie. Wally then fell over.

Photos: Thomas Heger (through Peter's microscope).

Received earlier in the day from the Ugly One:

jason thinks that's a great idea about you doing live painting to the ugly americans. this book about the L.A. punk scene that jason gave me is really inspiring me. we need to create a scene. the ugly americans are not enough. we need other crazy bands. i think alex should do his crazy shit but with just that drummer he found. i wrote him to throw his songs in the garbage, shove that harmonica up his ass and wear a dress. i want the wallywoods verein to be more sensational than a bunch of tired blues rockers strumming on heroin. we need to make it more of a live action theatre. but the u.a.'s are not enough. i think clive is also someone who could get things going with his own band. i'll bring the book tonight and you can read about how iggy pop put on a dress and bounced around the stage showing people his cock and asking people to whip him and screaming nonsense. i think all the freaks who come to wallywoods could do acts. but freaky acts. those punks were all art students and it's all about art and dress up and being ridiculous...

September 11

From the Ugly One:

I think we should plan a wallywoods therapy session, where we drink tea and discuss our feelings. that was a psycho night. i realize i get ugly because i can't deal with the responsibility of entertainer/bartender/host/sound man/clown. it was like in kaffee burger. i get overwhelmed and snap (poor helge) or sulk (poor alex). which is why we really do need to get this verein thing going. so there's money for beer and people to man the various urinals or whatever the fuck. bartender. soundman. doorman. and yes, human urinal.

Photos: Thomas Heger.

on the positive note, danny (the one who's opening the bar in shoeneberg) was so impressed by the chaos that he booked us. the former theatre actor was just about to break into song. i'll get him to break out his tap shoes one of these days. so i think his bar (called appropriately enough danny's) will be a good wally venue. they're just in the process of cleaning it out. it used to be a trendy cocaine disco called the blue note. has a dance floor!!!

September 10

SAMPLES FOR THE LAB

Spent the hung-over day building a science lab in the back room with Pete and his replacement assistant Warwick Elkins, just off the plane from England. Film-maker Robert Carrithers arrived early, fresh from a seven week break in the States, interviewed Wally through a sweet little camera and then disappeared before the fun started. Ugly One arrived with a huge poster (above, pic#1) beautifully printed compliments of friend, National architect George X. Stuck it outside and the place quickly filled up for a memorable mad scientist's party. Super energy. The Uglies plus Penny Lane on flute and the Tornado on any woman who breathed, Warwick the vocalising scientist, followed by rude plagiarised poetry, a non-drunk Polish guitarist with his black lady-friend singer doing a set of cover songs including, with Wally the cockney, The Streets of London (must get their names), Clive doing some kind of rap without rapping, then Gerry Electronica doing his best solo set yet regardless of Paradox Paul's punctuating scientific-video soundtracks (preliminary Peter Dennis material) thrown in at full volume. Had earlier hung a heavy carpet in the window (eight hands needed) for just this eventuality. Utterly reliable Jon Evans sadly did not appear to take part and/or record events (our mixer still out-of-order) but good to see Evan's band-member and fellow Australian Markus Fister at the gallery for the first time. "This is loud" he pointed out quietly, and suggested we check out the cellar. Markus booked (possibly still books) bands for the Mudd club - a possible super future venue.

Special note: Apologies to Clive, aka Graham, for having to be thrown out by the Scientist. The Wallywoods concept of creative chaos can only stand so much creative chaos.

September 9

SOFT PUNK?

I tried to describe to Cécile on the phone from Switzerland the stony-craziness of Graham Clayton from the Other Side's concert, better said, living-room practice plus inter-band trauma-tantrums, wine-throwing and lightening-flash scuffle, booked to support the finish of Ludek's punky-posters exhibition (nothing sold), referring to them as 'the punk-rock guys who put on that witty and highly enjoyable gig last month at Arcanoa'. She said, "Oh right, those guys - they're not punk, they're soft punk.' Musically a more accurate description I don't doubt it (I can't describe the difference between The Clash and The Cure), but there was nothing soft about the performance. Ask Clive, Alan, Ziggy and/or new drummer Alex for back-stage details - actually, ask anyone in the audience. The shit hit the fans front-stage, about three songs in. Ludek was taking down his paintings at the time, fumbling with his pliers behind what was left of the band; but asked by Wally if this was in reaction to the night's event (sic) he said 'Naw, that was the best bit. I should have filmed it.'

Ludek, drinking alcohol-free beer, is a real punk.

September 2

QUIET TORNADO

The Scientist writes:

“Am I early?” were Alex’s words as he walked in the door.
“You're late, it’s five past eight,” were Wally's.
It did fill up though – a few of Alex’s friends, some randoms and an over-zealous saxophone player who had to be stopped after the worst bum-note hit this year at Wally's stopped the better-off-solo star mid song. Unperturbed by that as well as the previous night’s criticism (that the Tornado ought to go to New Orleans) Alex played a long set keeping everybody entertained - at least it kept them quiet. In fact, the lack of amplification - the mixer got bust the night before - made for an intimate setting (Wally labelled the evening 'refreshingly romantic'), despite claims of verklamptness from some queer corner of the audience, who contented themselves with dancing in the open doorway...

September 1

THE WALLYWOODS EXPERIENCE
live at THE CEILI HOUSE Irish pub, Charlottenberg.

Axel X. & Alex T. (pic#1), Jason S.F. (pic#2, standing) with the Uglies, and M.C.Gadfly on his proud new organ.

Hosted by M.C.GADFLY & THE UGLY AMERICANS
With NIKKI SUDDEN (electric guitar)
Followed by live electronic crash-bash noise-rock from THE NASTY PARTY

Nikki; Alex Fire-Pants; Wally offering Alex Fire-Pants a bucket of water.

'The Nasty Party' (Dave A. & Jon E.) joined by Jason S.F. (with beer, pic#2).
Photos: Peter Dennis.

Actually, the website predicted events as they occured on this silly night nearly word for word (replace the Shakespeare with M.C.Gadfly's reading of the menu):

What is The Wallywoods Experience?

No-one knows. It's different every time. Wally simply invites all the musicians and performers of quality he knows are in town (he knows many) of all influences, race and physical condition, then invents the evening's program as they turn up. To begin with the acts get a chance to do a few songs or whatever the fuck they do - but later the whole thing is likely to turn into a mish-mash jam-soup, a collision of talents, karaoke for the supremely talented. Much new and original material, the odd V.I.P. and plenty of surprises. Punk-rock-theatre with a bit of Shakespeare and some sexy chicks thrown in for luck. Uninvited over-excited drunks will be escorted off the stage and instructed to dance or piss off.

THE WALLYWOODS EXPERIENCE IS SERIOUS CHAOS.

One rare guest in the audience, a travelling philosopher from Reading University whose intention it is to turn Gallery Wallywoods into a scientific research bunker between Sept 10 & 17 (Wally, a little embarrassed, informed him upon his arrival that it already is one) made these notes - let us call him The Punk Scientist:

Good job it’s on the website, with an audience of only one it was in danger of going unnoticed! Not strictly true, there were a couple of “English jocks” as Gadfly called them who seemed to love every minute of it – one of them even asked for a CD of his poetic interpretation of “The Menu”. Axel, a guy who arrived with Nikki Sudden, kicked off with a few songs while Nikki tucked into his chicken and wedges. Nikki is a rock star, from back in the day. He’s like Bob Dylan meets the Godfather. Next, Alex Tornado, followed by a few songs from Nikki, followed by Nikki backed up with Alex's surprisingly fitting harmonica, then the Ugly Americans, (with the Tornado and whoever else decided to join them) with shouts and bangs and clangs and co2 smoke up the waitress’s distractingly short skirt. The Ugly Americans just sing whatever comes into their heads. Someone could probably write something interesting about psychoanalysis and catharsis in music. John and Dave finished off with some rather technical looking thing on a bass and a box of electrics – until Wally threw everyone off stage, perhaps out of sympathy for the poor guys at the Irish bar – we still don’t really know what they thought, but then who cares? Should have sold a few CDs of “The Menu” though...

Continue to August 2005

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